so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
