If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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