she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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