id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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