I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
