return my video game
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
