You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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