laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I love having hate sex.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
