Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
