I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
