I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
