she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
