I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
