everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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