dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
