I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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