it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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