i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
