i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
