How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
