I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Damn victory sex feels great
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
