i jhust puked up my retainher.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
