Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
