i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
