Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
