this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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