I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
