He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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