I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
