But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dicks are not precious.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
