the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
