What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
