our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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