70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
