the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
