just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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