shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
