There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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