Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
