nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
