i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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