i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
