i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just high enough for therapy.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
