??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I need moral support for this bender
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
