and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
