WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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