remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
