Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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