Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
