Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
