Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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