I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
