Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
