3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
her vagine was all disorganized.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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